There are many different causes to premature ejaculation and it's important to understand that ejaculation is a function of the sympathetic nervous system. The sympathetic nervous system is the fight-or-flight response, so this is the part of your nervous system that's activated when you feel stressed out, when you feel afraid, when you're running on caffeine, when you're not getting enough sleep, you're in that fight or flight response. When you're already stuck in that state and you go to have sex, you're not going to last very long because you're already switched into that ejaculation response. This is why I think so many guys struggle with premature ejaculation.
In our modern world, most people are stuck in a sympathetic state... the fight-or-flight response, because we're so over stimulated from our electronic devices, from being stressed out, too much work to do, from being surrounded by emf waves from our cell phones, from our wi-fi, and most people are chronically stuck in this fight or flight response. I think this is why premature ejaculation is such a widespread issue for so many men. We often think of being rewarded for working excessively, having a lot on our to-do list, because that's kind of how we've been programmed in our society. However, this is causing chronic tension in our bodies. It's causing health issues, and of course, for men, it's causing sexual dysfunction.
So how do we start to overcome this? There's many ways to get yourself out of that sympathetic state and into the parasympathetic state. This is the rest-and-digest response. This is what is active when you feel calm. when you feel relaxed and grounded. How do you get yourself to primarily function in the parasympathetic state? One of the most simple ways is to spend more time in nature. Spend more time getting out of the city, get around trees, water, take a hike, go out and lay on the grass something like that because when you're in nature you're away from all the excessive stimulation and emf radiation that's bombarding the cities and you tune into the natural energy of nature. It's very calming, it's very soothing for you. You'll notice after you go for a walk, a hike, a bike ride in nature, you feel a lot more centered. You feel a lot more relaxed and calm. Spending some time in nature regularly is very, very important. It's also very important to be more grounded when you're always up in your head. In our modern society, again, we're rewarded for primarily functioning from our brain, problem solving, working on computers, and it causes us to activate a lot of mental energy. It causes your energy to rise up into your head and that also keeps you in that fight-or-flight response because you're stuck in problem solving mode. Everything is a struggle so getting more in to your body and calming yourself is going to be very helpful for overcoming this issue.
Some things that can be very grounding are, again, walking in nature, doing yoga, doing meditation breathwork, feeling your feet on the earth. I love doing qigong practice. It really gets me in my body, gets my energy flowing, and helps me stay in that parasympathetic nervous state.
I want to share a practice that you can use that will help you to stay in the parasympathetic nervous state and will also help you learn to start controlling your ejaculation, and start lasting longer in bed. Abdominal breathing is a practice that really helps you stay in that parasympathetic state, to get out of your head, to ground yourself and your body, to keep yourself calm. You'll notice throughout the day, whenever you feel tense, whenever you feel stressed, notice what your breath is doing. Usually your belly is very tense and you're breathing from your chest. You're bringing in these shallow breaths. Your breath and your mental and emotional state are very linked, and are also linked to whether you're functioning in the parasympathetic or the sympathetic state. When your mind starts to run and you get stressed out thinking about problems, thinking about the future, then your breath starts to get very shallow so the easiest way to shift this for yourself is to start breathing from your belly deeply and calmly. Here's a practice you can try.
You place your hands on your belly and take a deep breath. Let your belly expand. This may feel new to you, and then as you exhale slowly through the nostrils, feel the belly contract back in. You feel your belly expanding and contracting with your breath, keeping all your awareness in your body, keeping your focus on the breath.
This is a way that you can start to train yourself. First of all, you want to set aside five to ten minutes throughout your day to practice this breathing where you just sit in an undistracted state and just do this deep belly breathing for five to ten minutes and as you're breathing, count your breath. Each time you inhale and exhale, that counts as one. See if you can count to ten without losing your focus and then you start over. You'll notice that your mind starts to wander on other things, you start to think about problems, and you start to get into that fight-or-flight response... so you bring your awareness back to the breath. Start over counting from one to ten and that starts to train your mind to stay focused in the present moment. To stay calm and relaxed and then you can start to use this throughout your day anytime you feel overwhelmed, you feel stressed out, focus on your breathing. Bring your awareness back to the breath and breathe slowly and deeply from the belly. Notice how that calms you. You can release all tension on the exhale and then you can start to train with this to last longer in bed. This becomes a sexual training once you've mastered it in a more meditative state, in a non-aroused way, you can start to practice stimulating yourself sexually and focusing on the breath. See if you can keep this deep slow breathing going while you're being sexually stimulated, whether that's by yourself or with a partner. Again, this becomes your primary focus because during sex, it's the same thing. Your mind starts to wander, you start to focus on what's happening, your arousal builds, and it grows out of control. By primarily focusing on that deep slow belly breathing, you're able to keep yourself in the parasympathetic state, keep your arousal under control, and keep your mind within your body in a calm state, which is really one of the keys to ejaculation control.
So just to sum things up, one of the keys to overcoming premature ejaculation and lasting longer in bed is being able to keep yourself primarily in the parasympathetic state, and you do this by practicing the breathing exercise. Start to integrate that into your daily life and as well as being aware of what you're doing in your life to take care of yourself, to nourish yourself, to release stress from your life, this is very very crucial. If you're always stressed every day, then it's going to be very difficult to overcome premature ejaculation. So start making those lifestyle changes. Schedule nature time, schedule yoga classes, meditation classes, schedule quiet time in nature, and you will really really see some positive results in your life.