Most men are stuck in a very limited experience of sex and orgasm. The reality is that there is an entire universe of sexual potential available, which most men have never experienced. By expanding your awareness, getting out of goal-oriented and fantasy driven sex/masturbation, and opening to a new experience of sex, you can tap into powerful states of energetic orgasms.
So as men, there's often a lot of frustrations in our sexual experience. A lot of which is due to how we’ve been conditioned to see sex and how we’ve been conditioned especially into daily sets of completion and ending in the act of sex which is often been to have an ejaculatory orgasm.
When I was young, when I was a teenager and I discovered masturbation, I was actually having dry orgasms before I was having ejaculatory orgasms. And so I was naturally multi-orgasmic when I first became sexually active we could say, but I had this expectation because I was watching porn and I could see this fluid coming out of men’s penis when he had an orgasm (like why this isn’t happening to me, like I should be experiencing this apparently).
And so eventually, I did start having solely ejaculatory orgasms like those men that became my association with sex and sexual pleasure. It’s all about this five or ten seconds of ejaculatory pleasure and then you have to recover before I can do it again (great right?). For most men that’s their only sexual experience. And after several years of this pattern, I started to become bored with it. It was like ejaculating everyday wasn't that great anymore, there's got to be more, there must be a deeper level of pleasure and that’s what really drove me to seek out tantra.
The most liberating thing for me was this discovering deeper dimensions of sexual experiences, especially orgasms because I was always fasting with orgasms. I was always fasting by how much of an altered state having orgasm put me in. I always had this feeling that there was much much more that could be experienced than what I had before.
When I learn about the concept of male multiple orgasm, I got into this trap, that I think most men get into, of thinking that it’s going to be the ejaculatory orgasm minus the ejaculation... that you can do that as much as you want and this is not the case.
For men, there are many different types of orgasms. There are many, many, different types of orgasmic experiences you can have. Limiting yourself to this one type of experience, this explosive, intense but really short-lived fleeting ejaculatory orgasm, this peak orgasm type experience, which afterward, leaves you with no more desire. If you’re having ejaculatory orgasm every now and then, it’s actually much more enjoyable because you have some time to recover and build up some energy and it doesn’t completely wake you up. But when this is your sole sexual experience and you’re having ejaculatory orgasms everyday and you’re ejaculating, ejaculating, ejaculating, you start to deplete yourself because the body is releasing energy with this ejaculatory orgasms.
And there is only one reason I think that men get so hooked on this type of orgasm... because it’s a release. It’s an obvious completion to sex because you can have turned out your sex drive in a matter of speaking and even if you wanted to, you can’t continue. Men start to get into this kind of gratification, but when you start having the other types of orgasm experiences, there is no longer that release, there is no longer that 'okay I just blew my load, I just release all the sexual tension built up'. That doesn’t necessarily happen with other types of orgasms, and so this is a very important thing to understand, and also that there is many levels of orgasm, especially levels of intensity. A lot of orgasms are simply not gonna be as intense as the ejaculatory orgasm.
When you stop having that expectation, that kind of goal oriented approach in expanding your sexual experiences as men, it really liberates you to be open to much more avenues of sexual experience.
And sure, it’s fine to have that every now and then, but when that’s your sole expression it becomes very limiting and depleting. Which brings me to the subject of energetic orgasm, which to me, is a totally different experience to ejaculatory orgasms, but overall I enjoy it much more because they are so much more sustainable. You can basically have this energy orgasms as much as you want, you can have as many as you want as long as you’re in good sexual health. There is no let down at the end like after ejaculatory orgasm, I wanna keep going , I wanna experience that pleasure and that excitement again but I can’t, I have to recover and it’s very disappointing when that’s all you knew how to experience during sex.
So to shift into a more energetic state of orgasm, it requires you to shift into a more energetic person. Being a more energetic human. To me, this means being more in touch with your energy body. Our physical body is just one of our bodies. There are different layers of our beings, lets say our multi-dimensional beings.
Our energy body is more ethereal. It’s more expansive. It's not so rigidly structured like our physical body is. When we really tune into the energy body, we can start to have a more expanded sense, and especially our sexual experiences, as well. It allows us to merge more with the active sex, whether that’s a sex with ourselves, or sex with a partner, because physically, you can never really quite completely merge with someone... but on energetic level you can completely merge your energy bodies together toward just one connected unit and that’s why we often to have such deeply profound feelings of intimacy and connection when we are making love to someone.
So what I really recommend is getting out those goal oriented approach of 'I need to have orgasm', 'I need to figure out how to have a non-ejaculatory orgasm", instead get very curious about what other experiences you can have during sex, and sexual pleasure, and start to expand your container so to speak. What you have experienced by creating more relaxation and creating more awareness of your energy body? This is why practices like Qijong and meditation are essential in Sexual Kung Fu progress.
When you practice Qijong, you start to feel your energy, you start to tune in to this other dimension of experience where you feel your energy flowing. You start to see things a bit differently. You start to see that everything is connected and everything is a flow of energy. You start to feel that in your body and you can start to take this into your sexual experience, and one of the most important thing is just having pure presence, pure openness and receptivity towards what’s happening as of the moment.
A lot of guys are completely in theie heads during sex and during masturbation. Just like ("okay this is good but I feel like something could be better. I need to imagine more attractive partner. I need to imagine more exciting sexual situations which I need to find a video”). We are also looking to that something else other than what’s happening right now and this is such a trap in your sexual experience because excessive fantasizing and relying on porn overstimulates you and makes you excessively lustful and only able to experience ejaculatory orgasms.
So what really help me was getting to a state of pure feeling, pure relaxing, pure openness. Focusing more on what is happening right now and deepening the feeling of that. You start to notice the things that are blocking you from experiencing a higher flow of energy in your body and you start to relax.
You stimulate more slowly so you don’t climb up the arousal scale too quickly and you notice how these sensations of pleasures start to slowly move to your body and started to spread by using your awareness. And just feeling that alone, we can consider that an orgasm. You feel amazing sexual pleasure on your genitals. You feel it spread through your belly and your torso. You feel it in your heart. You can call this an orgasm. You're not explosively ejaculating, but you're in this kind of state.
This is state of pleasure. State of sexual arousal and bliss. I can call this an orgasm. And so you start to really appreciate these kinds of feelings, just appreciating what sexual pleasure feels like. Appreciating what is happening in your body and appreciating the fact that you haven’t ejaculated, you’re still 100% in this state of sexual reactivation. And you start to move that to your body, you start to breathe deeper. You start to move your spine, move your pelvis, you start to move things and just start to create these waves in your mind, throughout your body, moving your awareness. And you start to really make a meditation of it. Instead of “I need to have an orgasm", it becomes "I need to this type of experience”. You get out of that mindset and you simply feel what is happening. And this is more the path of how you get to this powerful full body states of orgasms.
This energetic experience becomes so powerful and healing. It activates you. And the benefit is you don’t have to release your energy. Sure you can choose to ejaculate at the end if you want to, but for me personally, it's better to not ejaculate at least the majority of the time and hold this energy on my body, because when I walk away from that session feeling like I get this wave of orgasm energy still moving through my body and the rest of your day start becomes more orgasmic because you learn how to tune in to pleasure that your feeling instead of having patterns like resistance and tension. You simply allow yourself to feel what your feeling, allow the energy to move and just see how it wants to express in your body.
We often have a lot of guilt, shame and self judgement about ourselves, about our sexual experience that prevents us from getting to these deeper levels. So it’s always important to look at these things and ask what stories am I telling myself about sex, about sex pleasure, about how I am as a lover?.... and just completely liberate yourself. There's nothing wrong with being a sexual being, there’s nothing wrong about loving your own body and sharing that with someone else’s body. Just completely opening yourself 100% into this embodied sexual experience. And to me, this is one of the most amazing things about being in human body, this experience of sex and orgasm and love making.
Watch the video here about How to Have Energy Orgasm
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