This is a how-to guide where I’ll teach you exactly how to experience tantric masturbation.
First of all, it's important to understand the goal of this practice, the goal of tantric masturbation, is not to orgasm and it's definitely not to ejaculate. The goal of this practice is to build an aroused charge of sexual energy that you can circulate, store in the body, and then use for other things. Many men use masturbation and peak orgasms as a way to release stress, as a way to get sort of a quick fix. This kind of trains this pattern over a period of time where you actually lose out on most of the enjoyment, the pleasure, and the potential that sex and sexual activity has because you're so focused on reaching this ejaculatory release that just spends your energy. It disperses your energy, disperses your life force. It's important to understand as we go into this practice, that we are not trying to necessarily have an orgasm. You may have orgasms as a side effect, but that is not the goal of this practice and that's a very important mindset to frame for this practice. In tantric practices, in sexual kung fu, when you're learning to have non-ejaculatory orgasms, you know orgasm and ejaculation are two separate processes. We want to separate these because ejaculating constantly drains a man's vitality and his life force. This is apparent by how wiped out and exhausted you feel after ejaculating. You no longer have a sexual charge. When you're learning to have non-ejaculatory orgasms, it's important to really completely release any attachment to orgasm, any goal of really reaching an orgasm at all because whenever you're trying to reach orgasm, you're putting an effort into it, it actually takes you out of the moment. It takes you out of the body. What you're really trying to do is experience a peak orgasm. These short-lived, explosive orgasms that drain your energy. Being addicted to these peak orgasms limits your experience of the deeper valley orgasm, which is more of a state of an orgasm that can be sustained for very long periods of time and become extremely pleasurable. When we release that need to experience any type of orgasm and simply open up to the process of cultivating sexual energy, exploring your arousal, exploring sexual sensations without any endpoint necessarily that you're trying to get to, it really really liberates your sexual experience. Now you can start to focus on what's happening, the other 99% of sexual activity which is all this pleasure building, and you can start to really focus on that, move it through your body to get these full body states of orgasmic bliss.
As a side effect of not focusing on trying to reach a peak orgasm, you start to get into these more orgasmic states. It's a bit of a contradiction right? You have to let go of the goal of orgasm in order to really get there. That's an important mindset to get into before you start your practice. Say ‘I'm not going to have an orgasm. I'm definitely not going to ejaculate. I'm simply going to explore sexual sensations, pleasurable sensations, and explore what my sexual energy feels like and how it can interact with my body and then walk away from the session without any sort of release so that I'm fully sexually charged and cannot put the energy into other things.’ Accept that. Learn to hold sexual arousal in your body without needing to release it and you'll be well prepared for this practice.
To start tantric masturbation, (you can also call it self-cultivation or soul cultivation) there's often this guilt or shame around the word masturbation right? So we're kind of reframing our connection to sexuality and exploring our own sexuality, and of course anything I'm saying here can be done with a partner as well, but it's good to kind of explore these things on your own first because then there's no external distraction. There's no pressure. You're just there with yourself exploring your own body, exploring your own sexuality. You're going to want to have a private, quiet space where you can do this practice. Maybe burn some incense, play some meditative music, anything that helps set a nice atmosphere. A nice meditative, quiet, peaceful, setting for yourself. Make sure you have no distractions. Turn off your phone, if you have roommates or a spouse, ask that you not be disturbed for a certain period of time. I definitely recommend setting at least 20 to 30 minutes or more aside for this practice. This is not something that you can do in five to ten minutes and get many results from. You need to really take your time with this and be in the right mind space. You want to be in a very relaxed state. If you're stressed out, if you have a lot of negative emotions, it's not a good time to do this practice. Try some kind of stress management tool. Maybe go for a walk, do some yoga, do some meditation, do some qigong, take a shower or something just get yourself into a relaxed space so you can be fully present in your practice. Maybe stretch your body a bit, get things opened up. If you practice qigong, do some qigong practice to get your energy moving so that you are in the flow before you begin your sexual practice.
Start by just relaxing every muscle in your body. Lay on the floor or on the bed, whatever works for you, lay down and just progressively go through every muscle group of the body and let it relax deeply. Take a deep breath into your belly and exhale. Moving through each body part starting at your head, moving to your neck, your shoulders, your arms, your chest, your belly, your glutes, your thighs, every part of the body. You're going to take a deep breath, feel like you're breathing into that body part, going piece by piece in your body. Take a deep belly breath and inhale into that body part and as you exhale, feel like you're breathing out any tension from that area of your body. Feel it relax completely, feel your muscles, your tissues just melting...dissolving off the body. Go through your whole body using this process to get completely relaxed, this is very important because when your body's relaxed your energy is able to flow freely. If you're going into a sexual cultivation session with a lot of tension and a lot of constriction, it's going to be difficult to circulate the energy and you may find yourself arriving at the point where you feel like you're going to ejaculate very quickly. Once your body's fully relaxed, keep the breathing going, that's one of the most important aspects of this practice is keep this deep, long, slow belly breathing going. You inhale, feel the belly fill up, exhale to release tension from the body. You want to keep this breathing going throughout your whole practice. This is one of the main focal points that will help you build up sexual energy without overheating, without feeling like you're going to ejaculate.
Start to touch your body. Touch any area of your. You can touch your legs, your thighs, imagine you're with a lover. How would you want your lover to touch you? Give yourself that touch. Start to touch your body because men tend to be so hyper focused on their penis and obviously it's a very pleasurable zone, but when this is the only area that you can feel pleasure, it's difficult to get into full body states of orgasm. Start to awaken the rest of your body. Explore your body, explore what it feels like to touch your body and really activate your entire body, and then you can start to touch yourself more sexually. Touching your penis, touching your testicles, your erogenous areas. We don't want to turn this into the normal kind of jack off session that men are used to. While you're doing this,change the type of stimulation that you're using. You may want to use some coconut oil, some sort of lubrication, but touch your penis in a very sensual way but without excessive stimulation. So instead of rushing into high states of arousal, height states of stimulation, slow it down. This is very important, and just observe. Notice every sensation that you're feeling. Allow the pleasure to slowly build instead of just going right up into this maximum point of stimulation. This will help you slowly get your whole body awakened to that full-body state of orgasmic pulsations. I recommend spending about five to ten minutes, or even more, with very slow, very mindful stimulation and just noticing how your arousal starts to slowly build and at this point you can amp up the stimulation a bit more to boost your arousal, keeping that deep breathing going. Nice slow deep belly breaths and be very aware of your arousal levels. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the point at which the ejaculation is triggered, you want to, in the first 10 to 15 or even 20 minutes, stay about at a six or a seven. A relatively low state of arousal, because once you get up to an eight or a nine when you're first learning this practice, it will be very tempting just to go over the edge and ejaculate. You lose your sexual charge. You have to recover and in your first sessions you may not want to even go above level six or seven. This will help you to program yourself to be okay with lower levels of stimulation and experiencing sexual stimulation without ejaculating.
One of the goals of this practice is to release the addiction to ejaculatory release. At this point, start to breathe the sexual energy through your body. With every inhale, it's like your body's a sponge and it's absorbing the sexual energy. You feel this pressure, this arousal building in your genitals. It's this electrical heat, this sensation, and the more aroused you become the more intense it becomes. Try to move that through your body again with this deep breathing using your awareness to guide that energy. I like to use the image of the body being like a sponge, and it's just soaking up all that energy. As you inhale, feel it absorb into your belly, up into your heart center, into your arms, into your head, into your legs. Just feel that sexual energy absorbing into your entire body and this is much easier to do when you're not over stimulating yourself at an excessively fast rate. Slow, mindful stimulation, breathing the energy through your body, and when you do this for a period of time you will start to get into this altered state of very orgasmic, blissful feelings and this can actually bring up a lot of suppressed emotions, a lot of suppressed energies in your body because you're experiencing sexual pleasure in a different way than you usually do. You're much more open, you're no longer hyper focused on over stimulating yourself to ejaculation. You're allowing this deep, primal building of the sexual energy and it can bring up certain things. You may start to feel deep vulnerability, a deep resistance, certain fears, certain memories from your past start to resurface, and these things can be very intense. If you're not ready to face these things, you can stop the practice or you can surrender and allow these things to surface and keep going through the practice.
If you ever feel like you're getting too close to the point of ejaculating, then stop the stimulation and just breathe for a little while. Just breathe that sexual energy through your body until your erection starts to subside a bit, until your arousal goes back down, and then you can continue with stimulation. Another very important point here is to keep your body relaxed. Notice how as you're stimulating, as as your arousal starts to build, there's often a tendency to start tensing up your body. A lot of men have this tension response to sexual stimulation and arousal where you start tensing things up, so just be aware of that and use the breath to release tension as it arises in the body, especially tension in the genitals, tension in the pelvic floor. You don't want to be squeezing the pelvic floor muscles a lot during stimulation because this can activate your sympathetic nervous system. It can make the penis hypersensitive and bring you to the point of ejaculation much quicker. Again, focus on the rest of your body... don't just focus on your penis. Touch the rest of your body too. You can use your hands to massage your body and help to move that sexual energy through your body. Remember, how would you want a lover to touch you?
I recommend doing this practice for about 20 to 30 minutes. This is good training that allows you to learn to experience sexual pleasure over a more extended period of time. It will train you to last longer in bed and also, when you really take your time with this, you're more likely to get into these really, really powerful altered states of orgasmic sensations in the body. You may experience the valley orgasm, which is this altered state of almost psychedelic-like waviness in the body, an expansion of your consciousness, something that can be sustained over a long period of time, but again, this is not the goal of the practice, but you may arise at that state.
Closing your session is very important because, for a lot of men, when they're first learning to have non-ejaculatory sexual experiences there's this point where because they're used to ejaculating, they feel the need to release that pressure. You have to be okay without the release of sexual energy. What you want to do is to finish by moving that sexual energy out of the genitals. Use the practice I mentioned earlier where you stop stimulating and start breathing very deeply. You can amp up your breath a bit, and again using that imagery of the body as a sponge, and these sexual energies filling it up. It's like liquid absorbing into the sponge. Just breathe deeply, feel the body absorbing the sexual energy. Feel it moving out of the genitals. Spend five minutes or more doing that until you feel like the arousal is out of the penis. It's been dispersed through the body. Your erection has subsided and this is a good indication that you've successfully moved that sexual energy through the body. Something else you can do, this is optional but it's really helpful for dispersing any stagnant energy in the testicles, is to do the microcosmic orbit practice after your sexual cultivation session. Do this for about 10 to 15 minutes. If you have time, even five minutes will be beneficial. If you spend some time doing this after your sexual practice, it helps to release any congestion that may arise in your genitals. As you're learning to have non-ejaculatory sexual experiences this helps to really distribute that sexual energy and circulate it through the body so that it can be stored and used for other things. After this, you can go about your day, but I recommend that you put that sexual energy into something. Maybe you go to the gym and work out, maybe you go for a walk, connect with nature, do something creative, have a creative outlet for this sexual energy, and just notice how it changes things for you. You'll probably find that you feel more desire. You feel more motivation, you feel more creative, you have more creative ideas, you have more drive to accomplish certain tasks you've been working on. This is the benefit of working with sexual energy. You are transmuting that sexual energy which you built up and stored in the body, and you're using it. You're channeling it into other things, and this is really the path of sexual kung fu.